Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
