last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
