Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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