I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
