I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
