we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
