I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
