after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
