I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
