I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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