The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
