so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
