I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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