thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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