i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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