And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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