when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize