Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
