she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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