1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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