I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
