Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
