Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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