Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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