We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
