Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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