Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
