I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
