What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
