i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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