At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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