If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
