Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
