dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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