so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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