I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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