i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
