you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
