From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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