She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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