So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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