i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
