This girl is more easily done than said...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
