i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
