So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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