he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
