I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize