If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
