I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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