I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
