Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
