I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
