Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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