we're blogging at a bar
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
