i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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