Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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