I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
