So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I deserve this hangover.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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