A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
