just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
