i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
