We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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