I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
