could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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