i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
