closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
