barbara walters just said penis...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
