My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
