I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
