Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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