No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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