Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
