the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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