i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
